I shivered. The creaking of my limbs echoed through the temple corridor, disturbing eons of dust. However, it was a different sort of Dust that I sought. Currency to some, sorcery to others, but vital to Father and I. We were an unusual pair. After mapping the surface of an unexplored moon we rooted into its soil to rest, unknowingly over a Dust deposit. When an earthquake shattered the thin crust, we were engulfed. And when we awoke, we were changed. We should have perished. Instead, our conscious thought became shared; as if our roots were always entwined.

Linked to my mind, I heard him, “Daughter, you are trembling. Danger? Need I come?”

“No Father. Safe, just cold,” I replied. He was always intensely protective. “Besides, this passageway, you wouldn’t fit.” But he would try, if desperate enough. Tear the thrusters from his body, weapons and shielding too, though it would likely kill him. When I was a younger sapling, he reshaped himself, as some of our kind do. The calamity that destroyed our grove-family, it left him broken and splintered. Only we survived. And so with the help of artificers, he repurposed his body as a ship. A painful and irreversible metamorphosis. Those memories returned to me as I held the pouch of charred lifeless seeds hanging around my neck, the last remains of our family. Their familiar presence rekindled my warmth.

Continuing, I strode into a cavernous chamber. Before me a tiny object hovered above the floor. “What is it?” asked Father, sharing vision through my Dust-flecked eyes.

"A seed?" But when I touched it the room flashed. Then before me appeared a planet, projected by some hidden device. As it rotated, into view materialized a tree on it’s surface, but massive! Its roots stretched between continents, its canopy reached many times beyond the atmosphere, and its leaves glimmered gold with hints Dust.

“Gaia…” Father whispered in awe.

As I watched, the tree began to shrink, growing in reverse. Leaves turned to buds, branches withdrew into the trunk, until the final sprout retracted into the seed. “Explain?” I reflected back to Father. But before he could reply, the floor quaked.

“Run daughter!” I thrust the seed into my pouch and fled. The cracking floor provided easy purchase for my roots, propelling me to the entrance just as the ceiling buckled. I climbed up Father’s trunk and into his armored frame. As we ascended, the temple collapsed below us.

I emptied the pouch onto my lap. The remains of our family lay scattered about the seed. Father explained, the Gaia tree—a mythically eternal source of nourishment and Dust—perhaps grew from this seed. But much remained unknown: How must it be planted? Or cultivated? And could it be kept safe? Surely there are many who desire such an Endless relic. It requires the sort of protection only an empire could provide.

“Father,” I said, staring at the Gaia Seed surrounded by the ruins of our past, “let's go home”.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Hope you enjoy the story. Comments, criticisms, suggestions, and discussion always welcome!  

PANCZASU wrote:

It's interesting how we both made the Unfallen communicate in short sentences  Interesting submission, it shows Unfallen as fairly relatable individuals except... big in some cases haha. Also, I didn't expect them to have any family ties though, now that I think about it, there's also no reason for them not to have family ties.

I'm curious though - are all of your Unfallen like this (minus the Dust link ofc) or are these two an exception in the society?

I found it interesting that you went with a father/daughter relationship as well and Ill echo PAN's question with him.

Reading through your contribution was enjoyable and I would like to talk a bit about how I feel in regards to elements of your story. So there is a few things I take from your story, In terms of a hero concept, we have our dust afflicted Endless ruin explorers and a fun relationship to boot with father-ship + daughter and I like how you explored their relationship with a bit of their past thrown in as well, which in its own could be turned into a great story just based on that alone; for some serious and whacky space adventures. You also hint that they themselves are abnormal but there are family ties with a mention to "Grove Family", an exploration of how Unfallen communicate and a there is a mention of artificers. The thing I really like is that you related the story to one of my favourite anomalies from Endless Space, the "World Tree", especially the ones that grew on a volcanic planet or gas giant which were particularly amusing. 

However, straight to the point now: you introduced your Hero(s), explored their background as well as a bit of Unfallen background and set up a questline all in 500 fluffed words so everything checks out

So great job! Although don't be afraid to make changes though if you feel it improves readability although its a matter of personal choice:

We were an unusual pair. Recently, after mapping the surface of an unexplored moon, we rooted into its soil to rest, unknowingly over a Dust deposit. When an earthquake shattered the thin crust, we were engulfed. And when we awoke, we were changed. We should have perished. Instead, we now share our thoughts and emotions. As if our roots were always entwined.

We are an unusual pair. After mapping the surface of an unexplored moon we rooted into its surface to rest, unknowingly over a Dust deposit. When a earthquake shattered the thin crust we were engulfed. When we awoke, we were changed, connected. We should have perished. Yet now our thoughts and emotions are shared; as if our roots were always entwined.

I mean I have a fondness of semi-colons and you can jumble words around, trying different ways to cut down length to get more in and what not. I am attempting to be helpful but please, do as you might and go with your personal feelings on the matter.

Thanks for the feedback! Very helpful.

PANCZASU wrote:

It's interesting how we both made the Unfallen communicate in short sentences. Interesting submission, it shows Unfallen as fairly relatable individuals except... big in some cases haha. Also, I didn't expect them to have any family ties though, now that I think about it, there's also no reason for them not to have family ties.

I'm curious though - are all of your Unfallen like this (minus the Dust link ofc) or are these two an exception in the society?

In my interpretation of the Unfallen, their society is structured around these "grove-families", which vary greatly in size, from small tribes to vast integrated cities. Direct family ties within are also present. This specific fathership/daughter relationship was strengthened after the destruction of both their direct family (her siblings, cousins, etc...), and their greater grove-family (i.e. their village): he is the only friend and family she has left, and she is the only survivor of his once great grove-family.

Also, i have interpreted the race's "shared consciousness" as something that is typically very subtle, and only present when Unfallen are connected by their roots. This concept is actually inspired by the recent discovery of how real trees communicate underground (click me). Therefore, the characters in my story are unique in that their dust-mishap made this link more intense, direct, and permanent, such that they no longer need to be rooted together. 

Digitalhawk96 wrote:

We were an unusual pair. Recently, after mapping the surface of an unexplored moon, we rooted into its soil to rest, unknowingly over a Dust deposit. When an earthquake shattered the thin crust, we were engulfed. And when we awoke, we were changed. We should have perished. Instead, we now share our thoughts and emotions. As if our roots were always entwined.

We are an unusual pair. After mapping the surface of an unexplored moon we rooted into its surface to rest, unknowingly over a Dust deposit. When a earthquake shattered the thin crust we were engulfed. When we awoke, we were changed, connected. We should have perished. Yet now our thoughts and emotions are shared; as if our roots were always entwined.

I mean I have a fondness of semi-colons and you can jumble words around, trying different ways to cut down length to get more in and what not. I am attempting to be helpful but please, do as you might and go with your personal feelings on the matter.

All hail the semi-colon! And thanks for the suggestions! These changes do indeed help with the story's flow. They have been taken into consideration. I welcome them, and any more you/others may have to offer.  

I have made a number of edits since the original post. Mostly small items, like wording, structure, and punctuation changes. However, two substantial changes have been made:

• Switched the story from our heroes finding a map that leads to the Gaia seed, to instead finding the Gaia seed itself. This freed up some of that precious space needed in a 500 word story. For something this short, we can't dilly-dally, and must cut to the chase!
• Added the bit about the Daughter carrying around the dead family seeds from her past, to help flesh out her history. Also, this allowed for the poetic visual juxtaposition at the end of the story between the life-giving seed of her future, and the dead seeds of her past.

Any additional changes in the future will be updated here. Thanks for the reads!  

Ingame, it could provide a very interesting concept of heroic quest for a seeker/ecologist hero with a unique model of ship. Moreover, I like your narration.

I hope your work will be part of the game one way or another.

carolean7 wrote:

Sotnik wrote:

I don't think using real Earth names is a good idea for such an unusual setting but never mind.

To be clear, it is not my intention for our heroes to actually be named Daughter and Father, rather this is just what they call each other. They have real names, they just haven't been revealed yet. I didn't give them names because: 1) I couldn't think of names I particularly liked, though other stories here have great suggestions, and 2) leaving them unnamed and just stating their relation saves precious space.

Sorry for having not been clear enough. I actually meant "Gaia", the name of the Goddess.

As for the characters' names your approach is good imho. Unfallen language would anyway sound to us like "I am Groot" :D

Dragunav wrote:

Damn Son!

How am I supposed to compete against this!

You guys journalists or something!

"These guys are like journalists."

"How so?" 

"Well they did MAKE UP most of their story."

"Dohohoho."