After the fall of the Endless, the first thoughts were done. Kirul tal Nialo remembers it as if it hadn’t been thousands of years ago. And now he commanded one of the bigger ships of his kin. He always heard his ancestor, who became the ship, whispering, as he heard all the others of his race. 

His mission was clear: Deliver the dustsoaked parts, found in an Endless Ruin, to the Homeworld. 

“Kirul, we have a problem.” said the ship directly in his mind. “What is it, Karnal?” “I sense ships in the Unak-Gorge with activated weapons. At least one Dreadnought.” 

Kirul’s leaves shivered. Karnal wasn't a battleship, merely a well armed frighter. But against a dreadnought they would stand no chance. Retreat was also no option. Contact with the edges of the Gorge would destroy the entire Ship. The enemy seemed to be pirates, so The Sacrifice would be useless. 

The Battle was short. Kirul told his ship to break the line but they damaged Karnal fatal. They crashed on a planet near the Gorge. But Unfallen do not fall, so Kirul and his crew survived and even Karnal was partial alive. Around the wreck, the Unfallen built a settlement. A small forest within which they lived and brought awareness to the trees. As they became more and more intelligent, the Unfallen learnt, that on the other side of the planet, another species lived. Not as highly evolved as the Unfallen, but highly enough to have the means to send a message to the Homeworld. One of the Unfallen did what was necessary: The Great Sacrifice. The native intelligent lifeforms transmitted the message. 

As the Unfallen battleship appeared over the planet, most of the Unfallen survivors decided to stay. 

Kirul left them and his ship and took the dustsoaked Endlessrelics with him. But after all this time, most of the dust was gone. Vanished into the atmosphere of the planet. Nevertheless Kirul became well known, for he brought home relics, participated in spreading the Unfallen culture and showed a weakness in the traderoutes. From this day on, there was always a small fleet for securing the Unak-Gorge. But he also discovered the pirates.. or at least what he thought were pirates. They hunted every ship they could find. But only if they carried dust-relics. 

None of the expeditions found the pirates homeworld so there is a war. A war none of the Unfallen want, but they can not end it without a target for the Great Sacrifice. 

The clause, "the first thoughts were done," is confusing. I'm not sure what it adds to your story or how it sets up your story. As for the rest of your story, I like how the Unfallen are attracted to dust and I'm assuming, collecting Endless artifacts. But one critique I have is, are the Unfallen only interested in Endless artifacts? What is the draw to the Endless that places the Unfallen in danger of pirates?

A few mistakes here and there (freighter instead of frighter, fatally, couple of other typos). I like how you setup a hero and a potential quest line in one go.

Frogsquadron wrote:

A few mistakes here and there (freighter instead of frighter, fatally, couple of other typos). I like how you setup a hero and a potential quest line in one go.

I hope I don't make a mistake with this post, but I have to admit that english is not my first language. (It's absolutly no excuse for the frighter typo xD )

If it's allowed, i would answer possible questions in this post. If not, i delete it at once. *bows*